Unconfirmed reports of the undead rising from the grave and reeking havoc on union square. Intrepid Fangoria reporter Doctor Bekah was live on the scene to witness first hand the terror.It would appear at first glance that either some kind of cosmic atomic activity or perhaps communism has caused the dead to once again walk the streets of New York. With the cunning of a legitimate and well-paid reporter, I was able to infiltrate these anamorphic cadavers and seek out their leader, a lumbering zombie who told me in a gurgling growl his name was Action Vance. The corn syrupy sweetness of blood permeated the air as hoards of zombies kept arriving at the scene. As I stumbled through puddles of blood, my feet sticking to the crimson pavement, I realized I was surrounded, the last breath of life in the realm of the undead.
Once in their midst, it was clear that these zombies had only two things on their minds: to feast on the sweet delicious brains of living and be to the first ones to see the long awaited sequel 28 Weeks Later. However, still hours from movie’s start time, these creatures of the night were forced mill about Union Square begging confused onlookers for brains and in some instances liquor, bumping confusedly into each other, and asking if I was single and would like to have brains sometime.Suddenly a flash of light drew the attention of one zombie. Moments later, another flash of light…and another. The flashes shot through the darkness and captured the zombies’ full attention. Unaware of the danger, a double-decker bus full of Midwest tourists light up the night with flash bulbs.... arousing the full rage of the zombie army. A charge was sounded as hungry zombies rushed forward to overtake the sightseers.
Relentlessly, the zombies pounded on the bus while the tourists continued to take pictures in fear. As the bus pulled away from the flesh eating mob, the zombies’ attention was redirected to me, the mortal of the midst. They surrounded me asking for Fangoria t-shirts, pens, and other fantastic prizes from America’s Only Radio Show devoted to Horror.
I was trapped. Several zombies approached me with evil make-up boxes, trying to convert me to their legions. More than one attempted to bite me, but the evasive stealth and cat-like reflexes I had gained from my Fangoria Training did not fail me. Their numbers continued to grow. Just when I thought I was done for, a more cognizant zombie announced the movie would be starting soon. I breathed a sigh of relief knowing that my life would, for now, be spared.The zombies filed into the theatre, and after a brief disturbance about the concession stand not serving brains with the nachos, the movie was enjoyed by all. This reporter is glad to be alive and is still hoping for a phone call from the cute zombie with the curly brown hair.
For Fangoria News, this is Dr. Bekah.Fangoria News: not as scary as CNN, but still really fucking scary.